


Dinner at Clyde’s House

by sonofthanatos



Category: South Park
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Dating, Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 06:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20670665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonofthanatos/pseuds/sonofthanatos
Summary: Clyde decides to have his friends over for a dinner party with the Goth kids. What could possibly go wrong?





	Dinner at Clyde’s House

Contrary to popular belief, Clyde could cook like a demon. It shouldn't really surprise people; he loved food and eating, and now that he was on the football team he couldn't just gorge himself on frozen pizza snacks and cookies like he used to. It showed in his physique; he was definitely big, but instead of the pudge that had once made him the second fattest kid in school it was muscle and abs now. Years of taking Home Economics had paid off; he was in great shape, on the way to being quarterback, and his dad relied on him now to do the shopping and cooking. It worked out well for both of them.  
  
He raced around the kitchen now, checking and double checking the food. He didn't have much experience with this particular flavor, but he had experimented a bit in preparation for tonight and everything was very promising. Leaving it to cook, he hurried into the dining room. The table was set perfectly with 10 places; he would sit on one end and Henrietta on the other, with their friends on either side. It was the first time they had brought all their friends together, and Clyde was really nervous; he liked Henrietta a lot and he wanted to impress her, and he knew it was important that he get along with the Goth kids. Henrietta, for her part, had already met and gotten along with Tweek and Craig, much to Clyde's surprise; at first he thought their meeting was a disaster, especially when she went out to smoke and Craig went after her, but to his surprise they had come back and been pleasant with each other. He had asked her later but she had just told him not to worry about it.  
  
He studied the place settings and nodded. It was weird to even care; half the time he and his dad just used paper plates and ate in front of the TV. This was too important though. He had even brought out the good silver; he hoped the Goth kids appreciated it. Luckily his dad had agreed to disappear for the evening; he'd be back later, when people had likely gone home.  
  
On cue, there was a knock on the door. Racing over, he opened it and found his friends huddled in a group. "Hey guys!"  
  
"Hey Clyde." Craig led them in.  
  
"We wanted to come all at once in case the forces of darkness were here." Jimmy explained, taking his coat off. "We're harder to sacrifice if we stand together."  
  
"Guys..." He looked at them helplessly.  
  
"It'll be fine." Token reassured him. "We'll be nice. You have to admit they're pretty weird though."  
  
"Keep in mind he once ran away to be a lion. He knows weirdos." Jimmy teased. Token blushed at the memory as they all laughed.  
  
Clyde caught Tweek as he came in. "Hey dude. Did you remember to bring the dessert and everything?"  
  
"Yeah!" Tweek held out a bag. "This should have everything we need. I'll bring it all out tonight after dinner!"  
  
"Thanks." He hugged Tweek. "I owe you one." Tweek hugged him back happily, then went to put the stuff away.  
  
As they started back into the living room, there were more knocks on the door. Unlike his friends, they were loud, sharp and abrupt.  
  
"They're heeeere..." Jimmy said in a spooky voice. Clyde looked at them pleadingly.  
  
"PLEASE be nice." He begged, then went to the door and opened it.  
  
Michael strode in first; he had obviously knocked with his cane, a long black stick with a round golden knob on top. He wore traditional Victorian clothes, complete with ruffles, and he gazed at Clyde with cold eyes. "Good evening Clyde."  
  
"Hi Michael!" Clyde was determined to be happy, no matter what. He looked behind him at the other boy, wearing a black button down shirt, black pants, black makeup, with a red splash that looked like blood in his hair; his long bangs hung down in his eyes. "Hi Pete!"  
  
Pete nodded at him. "Hello Clyde." He flipped his hair back.  
  
Clyde hesitated, them mentally shrugged. "Well, come on in. My friends are all in the living room, you can come in and join them."  
  
The two boys wordlessly followed him into the living room and he made the introductions. As Jimmy, the most outgoing of all, started making conversation, Clyde went back into the kitchen. He stirred a few pots and nodded with satisfaction.  
  
Another knock sounded on the door, and he hurried back to the entrance. This time Henrietta stood there.  
  
Clyde caught his breath. She was so different from all the other girls he had dated; Bebe had been all about horses and flowers, Henrietta was all about death and despair. Where Bebe had loved keeping her hair light and long and always wore bright colors, Henrietta wore long black dresses to match her short black hair. Unlike the red lips and blush other girls showed off, Henrietta wore dark purple makeup that made her face even paler. She didn't bother to hide that she was overweight; she carried it like a Queen. She was elegant, imposing, terrifying, and staggeringly beautiful.  
  
Her eyebrow raised and he suddenly realized he had kept her standing on the porch. He hurriedly invited her in, and she slid her shoes off easily. "Good evening, conformist jock." A hint of a smile crossed her face.  
  
"Hey, Queen of Hell." He smiled winningly at her. She didn't smile back, but her eyes sparkled and she leaned in, kissing him gently.  
  
As Clyde started to shut the door, he saw the two figures coming up the walk: Firkle, the tiny, 13 year old Goth kid who still honestly looked like a child even with his dark clothes and hair, walking next to Karen McCormick, dressed in a long dark dress that he remembered Henrietta saying she helped pick out. Her hair had dark purple streaks in it, adding an air of mystery and adventure to her. They were holding hands; Karen was taller than him and it looked rather comical, but Firkle was prickly and Clyde didn't want to insult him and get off on the wrong foot.  
  
"Hi Firkle, Hi Karen!"  
  
"Hello Clyde." Firkle looked at him expressionlessly. "Let's get this over with."  
  
"Hi Clyde!" Karen bounded forward and hugged him tightly. "It's good to see you again. My brother says hi!"  
  
He hugged her warmly. Even though she was Goth now Karen had never lost her warm personality.  
  
As they entered the room, you could almost feel the awkwardness in the air. Jimmy had given up on jokes and was talking to Michael about his cane; Michael fidgeted with the top and answered quietly. Pete, surprisingly, was talking to Tweek about coffee blends; Tweek was describing some interesting coffees he had tried while Craig interjected to comment on Tweek's magic coffee skills. Clyde felt a rush of happiness that Craig was making so much of an effort.  
  
With perfect timing, the oven beeped. "OK, everybody up to the table!" Clyde said brightly. "I'll be in with the food in a few minutes." Hurrying back to the kitchen, he began setting up the plates quickly.

  
  
The centerpiece of the meal was the chicken. In honor of the Goth kids, he had made chicken and flavored it with squid ink; it was delicious and as black as their clothes. He came out and put out the side dishes one at a time then brought out the plates, each plate holding a chicken breast. He noted with pleasure the surprised and...dare he say it...HAPPY gleam in the eyes of the Goth kids, not that their expressionless faces showed anything but their usual sullenness.  
  
"Thanks Clyde." Tweek chirped. Everybody else followed suit as they picked up their silverware.  
  
They started to eat.  
  
Silently.  
  
Nobody spoke. The only noise was the clink of silverware.  
  
Clyde looked helplessly at his friends. Craig, stoic as ever, appeared unbothered; with anybody else Clyde would worry, but Craig didn't hold back when he was annoyed. If he was quiet, he was content. The other guys kept glancing around, but they didn't seem to know what to do or say. Tweek kept glancing up anxiously, then focusing on his plate again; his hand was twitching, a sure sign that he wanted to grab Craig for support. Token and Jimmy glanced at each other a few times, but stayed silent. The Goth kids just ate quietly.  
  
Henrietta suddenly spoke up, her voice ringing out surprisingly loudly. "This is delicious, Clyde. I like the way you blackened everything; it's very goth. I approve." She looked pointedly at the other Goth kids.  
  
He smiled gratefully at her.  
  
The other Goth kids spoke up their agreement. "How did you get it so black?" Michael asked.  
  
"Squid ink. It adds a teriyaki flavoring too."  
  
"That's hardcore." Pete nodded.  
  
"Non-conforming food. Excellent choice." Firkle said quietly, his high-pitched voice in stark contrast to the deep tones of the other boys.  
  
"Thanks Clyde. It's really good. My brother's going to be so jealous!" Karen piped up.  
  
Silence reigned again.  
  
To Clyde's surprise, Michael suddenly spoke up. "Is anybody coming after dinner?"  
  
"No." Was he uncomfortable? "Were you hoping for somebody?"  
  
"The opposite. I'm not a big fan of that conformist jock Stan so I thought you might have invited him."  
  
"You don't like Stan?" Craig looked up in surprise.  
  
"Lame conformist." Muttered Pete.  
  
"What a loser." Firkle chimed in.  
  
"Poser jock." Michael agreed.  
  
"Sorry," Henrietta stepped in, giving her friends a look. "Stan's a sore subject with us."  
  
"We know he's your friend and all, but-" Pete didn't get to finish as Craig snorted.  
  
"We hate that jackass. Trust me, we're not fans at all."  
  
"Really?" Firkle looked interested for the first time since Clyde had known him. "What happened with you guys?"  
  
"When I was 10 he and his stupid friends swindled me out of money I got for my birthday, then got me arrested and sent to Miami, where we got deported to Peru to take down the government before I was allowed to come home. They then dragged me through this dangerous jungle and through an old abandoned temple before I finally gave up and spent days WALKING towards the capital so I could get back to the US." Craig was still bitter at the memory.  
  
"They had this stupid competition to see who their new friend was then dumped me at the last minute." Jimmy rolled his eyes. "They liked that being handicapped would get them onto rides at parks early, but they hated how long it took to get me off them." Clyde was annoyed at that; what was wrong with these guys? "They acted like it was this big deal, being their friend; I even got them a present but they ditched me."  
  
"His father used a racial slur on national television and he kept insisting that he knew what it meant to me and that I should get over it." Token closed his eyes in anger. "He finally acknowledged that he would never get it, but even then he acted like he was doing me this big favor by admitting it."  
  
"When they thought their stupid kickstarter campaign would make them rich, he told me to go fuck myself and that we weren't friends and that he'd be swimming in bitches. His girlfriend found out and he called me an asshole, said that we were supposed to be friends, then said it was all my fault that she found out! Then his stupid friend Kyle punched me!" Clyde ranted. Henrietta's eyes narrowed at the story.  
  
Tweek stared down at his plate. "We used to be friends, but they kept dragging me into these stupid situations then made them my fault and told me to fix it! They even had me on TV advocating murdering toddlers! I finally had to get away for my own sanity!" Craig rubbed his back soothingly.  
  
"Oh my God, no way!" Michael exclaimed. "Here we thought you guys were friends forever or some pedestrian conformist crap like that."  
  
The Goth kids looked as interested as Clyde had ever seen them. Clyde glanced at them curiously, then looked at Henrietta. "What did he do to you guys?"  
  
Michael clenched his fist. "We look after each other. No matter what we're a team. When Stan broke up with his girlfriend at one point he came to us and we welcomed him in. We hung out with him, gave him shoulders to cry on, listened to his god-awful poetry about how much he missed her, did everything we could to make him feel welcome, and as soon as somebody told him we were lame he ditched us and never spoke to us again."  
  
"Fake friends are the worst." Pete agreed, flipping his hair.  
  
"We should have killed him when we had the chance." Firkle snapped. Karen patted his arm.  
  
"What a jerk." Clyde had never really liked Stan all that much. "I think that's the year I stopped inviting him to my birthday parties too."  
  
"Oh right! I remember, you invited everybody but him, didn't you?" Token asked.  
  
"Yep. I even tried to reach out to...that new kid at the time, Douchebag? What was his name?"  
  
"Wasn't that a girl?" Michael asked.  
  
"Ummm..." They all looked at each other in bewilderment. "Who the hell was that? What can't we remember?" Jimmy frowned.  
  
"Whatever. We actually let them be part of the Goth team too." Pete said dully. "They came in asking us to be part of that fantasy game you all played, but we were still bitter over that jackass Stan so we actually made them prove they were Goth first by sending them all over town for coffee and cigarettes, then making them dress like us and disrupt the PTA meeting. Once they did that though they were part of us. When you guys decided to play superheroes instead he helped us with this satanic ritual, and Henrietta even played with you for a while. We actually stayed in touch for a while until they deleted all their social media after they moved again."  
  
"Cool." Clyde was considerably happier now; they were all talking, reminiscing, and actually having fun. Who would have guessed that hatred of Stan would unite them all?  
  
As they finished, Clyde began gathering the plates. "If you want to go to the living room, I'll be there in a few minutes."  
  


  
Clyde quickly loaded the dishwasher as Tweek came in and headed straight for the coffee machine. Pulling his stuff out of the fridge, he bustled around his own little corner, carefully measuring everything. Henrietta came up behind Clyde.  
  
"Is this going well?" He asked anxiously.  
  
She nodded. "If my friends didn't like it you'd know. Hating Stan was a good move."  
  
Clyde chuckled. Henrietta's eyes flew to Tweek, still totally focused on the coffee, then stepped forward and kissed Clyde, putting her arms around him. Clyde gasped as her hands rested on his back, then suddenly slipped into his jeans and squeezed his butt; he stood on his toes in surprise as she pulled him up. His eyes widened, but she kissed him once more then let him go and stepped away.  
  
"Do you need any help, Tweek?" She asked cooly, stepping past Clyde and washing her hand in the sink. Clyde stood frozen, trying to imagine the least sexy things he could.  
  


  
  
When the coffee finally came, Clyde put the mugs on a large tray, then added a carton of milk and some sugar and brought it in. Tweek and Henrietta followed behind, carrying plates of pastries fresh from Tweak Bros. Coffee.  
  
The guys all knew about Tweek's baking skills and they dove in. The Goth kids studied the plates, then slowly each took a coffee and pastry each. They stared at the coffee; Tweek had managed to make it blacker than black, a deep, dark black far beyond usual coffee.  
  
"It's a special recipe to make it extra black for you!" Tweek offered, looking hopefully at the Goth kids.  
  
"It's great!" Token said encouragingly, sipping his. Craig and Jimmy were both adding milk and sugar, while Clyde was devouring the delicious dessert Tweek had brought.  
  
Henrietta sipped hers and nodded.  
  
"It'll do." Pete said listlessly. Clyde noted with amusement that despite his apparent indifference he kept taking small sips of it.  
  
"It's good. How did you get it so black?" Karen asked eagerly.  
  
"Coconut ash. It gives it a really dark factor."  
  
"I'd offer you guys some liquor for it but my dad locked the cabinet." God, you get drunk and stuck naked in a tree outside Craig's house ONCE and your dad totally overreacts.  
  
The goth kids all looked at Michael. He actually smiled slightly, looking a bit sheepish, and picked up his cane. The guys watched in surprise as he twisted it, popped the gold knob off, and pulled a metal tube out of the cane. He poured some liquid in his coffee, then offered it to Clyde. "Cognac?"  
  
Clyde's eyes widened, and he burst out laughing. Taking the flask, he examined it. "This is so cool! Where did you get this?" He poured a bit of alcohol into his coffee and passed it on.  
  
Michael twirled the bottom of his cane idly. "I got it online from somebody in Denver." As they all took some liquor he took the flask back and put it back in place. "I use it to get through school some days."  
  
Craig nodded in approval.  
  
"What kind of cognac is that?" Token asked curiously.  
  
"V.O.S.P."  
  
Token nodded in approval. "My dad drinks that one, he says it's good."  
  
They sat quietly for a minute, enjoying their coffees. Craig took off his hat and set it aside, a clear sign that he was comfortable. The goth kids all looked at him.  
  
"How do you get your hair that dark?" Firkle asked. "The dye I use runs out easily."  
  
"I don't dye it." Craig ran a hand through his hair uncertainly. "It's just...hair."  
  
"Very goth." Michael mused, studying it.  
  
Craig's hand twitched, like he was regretting the decision to take his hat off, but he didn't pick it back up. Clyde felt a rush of affection; Craig was making so much of an effort tonight. Despite what Craig liked to pretend, he was such a good friend.  
  
Tweek smiled and ran his hand through the dark locks. "You should take your hat off more, I like your hair."  
  
Craig shifted uncomfortably in his chair. After a moment he stood up. "Is there more coffee?" Tweek led him into the kitchen. Clyde looked after them anxiously, but he knew going after them would make it worse.  
  
Token studied the Goth kids. "So, Firkle." The small boy looked at him. "That's such an interesting name. How did your parents come up with it?"  
  
"They didn't. They're lame Nazi conformist cheerleaders. I hate the name they chose, so Michael helped me pick 'Firkle' out when I was little."  
  
"Little-er."  
  
The instant Jimmy made that joke, the room went silent. Clyde's eyes widened; even he knew that was a terrible mistake. Jimmy offered a tentative smile, but the worry in his eyes was unmistakeable; he obviously realized what a mistake it was. Michael and Pete both snapped their heads up, staring with wide eyes. Henrietta inhaled sharply.  
  
Firkle froze. His cold, dark eyes absolutely burned with rage as he focused his glare on Jimmy.  
  
Tweek bounded back into the room with a coffee cup, took one look, and squeaked, coming to a stop. Craig almost crashed into him, holding his own coffee; he carefully put the cup on a small table then stepped in front of Tweek, evaluating the scene.  
  
For a single, horrific moment, Clyde honestly thought that Firkle was going to stab Jimmy in his living room.  
  
Out of nowhere, Karen suddenly reached out. She had been sitting quietly, enjoying the company, but now she gently touched Firkle's arm. "It was a stupid joke. Let it go." Her voice was quiet but insistent.  
  
Firkle looked at her, and the hatred died out of his eyes. He nodded and relaxed slightly; everybody let their breaths out in relief.  
  
"Sorry Firkle. Normally my jokes are better." Jimmy offered.  
  
Firkle nodded quietly. Karen smiled hesitantly at Jimmy. "Can you tell us some more?"  
  
"You don't have to ask me twice! So this guy goes to the doctor and says, 'Help me, Doc. Every time I drink coffee I get a stabbing pain in my eye!'" Everybody looked at Jimmy who smiled back at all of them. "The doctor says, 'You have to take the spoon out first!'"  
  
The tension evaported with the corny joke. Clyde choked on his coffee as he laughed. The other guys all cracked up; the goth kids looked at them silently, but there was a definite relaxation in their postures. Michael took another bite of his pastry.  
  
"What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso!" Jimmy enjoyed their laughter for a few minutes. "You know, Craig really needs to learn to make a good cup of coffee before he marries Tweek. Otherwise, it'll be GROUNDS for divorce!"  
  
The goth kids looked as bored as usual, but there were gleams of amusement in their eyes.  
  
  
  
When the evening was finally over, Clyde noticed happily that everybody seemed to at least be civil with each other. The goth kids were as cold as ever, but they seemed to have loosened up slightly; Karen was definitely a calming influence on Firkle, much to Clyde's relief. His own friends had been toned down, but they were still pleasant.  
  
As the door closed behind them, Clyde leaned against it. Not bad for his first dinner party.


End file.
